Tensions run high when technology fails—all parties feel the stress, and sometimes we get snippy. Applying Nonviolent Communication Principles (NVP) can help us build trust and strengthen our professional relationships, keeping us focused on positive problem solving by regulating emotional responses, creating connection, and serving resolution.

In short, working through these four steps can help us deal with conflict:

• Processing Observations
• Identifying Feelings
• Clarifying Needs
• Negotiating Requests

Recently, I pulled one of our contractors into a discussion about a project, but his input seemed unusually terse and unhelpful. Growing frustrated, I thought he was being disrespectful because I’m a woman. My bruised ego had me, but I had to find a way to get us connected and working together.

While Processing Observations, I concluded

• Our valuable asset wasn’t engaged and seemed irritated.
• I was reacting to a personal assumption.
• Getting us out of this rut was on me.

Identify Feelings

I took a breath before Identifying Feelings and gently stated, “I feel like I’m missing something that’s off about our meeting. Is there anything bothering you? Because you are essential to the success of this project and I want you to feel comfortable and valued.”

Clarify Needs

He explained that he started this work while under contract with another client, who’d given him permission to help us with related tasks, but my documentation project was clearly out of scope. He was uncomfortable starting work on our project until he had a contract with us, Clarifying Needs.

Request Negotiations

I had assumed he was already under contract with us and sincerely apologized for arranging the meeting without confirmation. Request Negotiations included quickly drafting a scope of work for his consulting contract, which I confirmed he had signed and in hand before scheduling our first project meeting.

Nonviolent Communication Principles Work

We all come to communication with different challenges—some we meet in others and some within ourselves. NVP can help us recognize our own triggers, center our responses in empathy, and find a way forward that allows all parties to feel heard and respected. It takes practice, but the rewards are sweet.

Based on the work of Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.  Want to work with a company that practices these principles? Reach out today!